hmmmmmmmm

in our world of unprecedented squalor both morally and all around us, the phenomenon of love constantly amazes me. that though there is so much deception the real thing crops up every now and then to wow us and give us hope that perhaps we too wil find the cure for our pain and loneliness.

oh ya. it gives us such hope.

not so long ago a started to love some one.... for reasons of of different standards and standings as regards certain things, i knew it could not work if i wanted to be myself.
i was to settle and save face among men. i mean who wants to be called an old maiden! i dont want to be the scorn of every one in the vicinity esp because they will never tell it to you face to face. but they despise you, maybe just laugh at you or most commonly they refer to you every time they speak of a failures in life.

so yes. i let it go.

so now am here waiting for this other guy to notice that i dont bite. i had a crazy idea about starting to go out alot in a bid to find some one. but wont that just bring more issues ....
but i will be still. after all wer are no all fated to walk the same paths.

sigh sigh sigh

sitting here in a room so large the walls seem so far away
the air seems too clear
the light so un tampered with.
it is a life worth living.....
till a moment steals my peace and the walls seem miles away
and the air insufficient for my lungs which have, seemingly, enlarged. the air way appears narrower
forcing breathing to become a chore and the life force of the heart to waver.

its not inadequacy that plagues the soul but perhaps a form of over adequacy that renders others paralysed and makes you wonder if adequacy is adequate enough to effect that for which you were made.

the moon rises and the sun hides its face....
another day of walls gone by
rooms
house
world

but the boundaries are so far out and the air is too thin.....
so slowly i fear
i die.