alas it has been forever!! The last time we spoke i was your regular Ugandan Jane but now i know me some new languages. Aaaaaaa of course am just an intermediate speaker However it gives me such delight like nothing has for a while! perhaps you should try it too. a new language. a new way to express the things that pop up in your mind. Might be a great adventure!!! How are you! still there?

haaaaaaaaa 2012

2012.
you are here after all. I thought somehow we would not see you. But here you are in all your glory!
A fresh breath of air has filled the space of these lungs and a newness of hope has wiped the old future aside. its a thing that the hand of God can bring to a broken soul. HOPE!! real hope that staggers your mind and yet it can not be denied. Hope like this.

Yet the people of God i can see are the first to cast their mockery at His name. they doubt Him and say things that no one who loved another would utter even in secret. there is no love found for the Lord among those who profess to be His own. HOW!!!

I wonder how much longer we can grieve the spirit and still pretend to be more that liars. How much longer we can put on this facade and point fingers at hypocrites. How much longer can we ignore the stench of our souls and the obvious squalor of our minds. How much longer will we play the fool in a game that is one of life and death!!

death is real and almost tangible. it dwells in us when our conscience is seared little by little. and death is a patient very patient. he takes his time is stealing away the things we hold dear. he lulls us to sleep and snatches things away from us when we need them the most. Like a loan shark who just never comes around to collect when things are going alright. he only remembers you when you get laid off and the mortgage is pending. the kids need to be in school and your mama is sick... Only then does death reveal that he was here all along.

Oh people of God.. arise and shine. stop telling all these lies... stop believing all the lies!!

maybe am wrong

i may be wrong but surely its wrong to be cast aside awesomeness and all.
i lay my self at the feet of a person and they trampled me any way...
he knows i love him yet ignore me he does like am not there at all. and am no loser so i hop on coz i don't care right!!!

why must i be deemed a loser just because i feel pain at the fact that am not wanted by the one i want. Its not like i was faking it such that i can just walk away!!! but who am i to complain!!!

best friend left, man seems out of reach. gosh, Dear Lord so help a child out... this time am sure you see this is well beyond my handling capability!!! i want to think positive but its not necessarily working!! what shall i do now?
please help other wise ama be lost and i hate that plot of getting off the path of righteousness.

july 2010

this year has been long awaited. we've had the africa cup of nations, the FIFA World cup in Africa and me writing this blog.. more to talk to myself than anything, the love of Naruto has grown and will stay, Bleach has taken an up run in the rankings of good tv for me not to forget the FBI were here last week....!!!!hmm
the year has been good.

this month saw my Spanish dudes of the game win the cup with that phenomenal win against Germany and then as you know the win against Netherlands.

July 11th: the blasts in Kampala. tragic.. shocking, infuriating and very very frightening. i watched in horror, as did others, the next morning's breaking news on television. people had died!!! lots of people. they didn't know who had killed them and he had no clue of who they were, who loved them and who would suffer the consequence of their actions.
nonetheless these people sent our brothers home in this violent burst and dug into our minds with fear of one another and reminded us that " our lives are not our own." that someone somewhere can snuff out our light and dim the hopes of those we loved. that we are helpless mortals and things are not as much in our control as would be suggested to comfort us.
those hands of hatred or warning or whatever they think they thought was a justification for their action were perhaps not the hand of God nor the work of evil refugees.
i really abhor the manner in which the people of Uganda were so quick to point a finger at the minority people who had come here only to steal a piece of peace from here. you know people who would not be alive had this country of ours not been here.
it reminded me however of this very often forgotten fact: i can all end now.
Yes it might end in a Boom or a smashing of a car or a sweet silent theft by death. the curtain falls, the trap door spider may just pull you in!
so more than ever are u ready to go today. Pray for the grieving but pray for the souls of our nation that men shall seek God and perhaps find him and be redeemed that they may not die but pass from this life and into the life that comes after this.

July 11th. May all those who died rest in Peace. and may those who remained behind be comforted and devote themselves to the one who is God over even death.

july 2010

The Race is not to the Swift!!

this was posted by a friend of mine... i thought that it would bless anyone who read it so i though i'd share it here......

May be you have thout andn wondered aloud "What is it goin to take to come thru and get ahead, atleast for once" haha, i got gd news 4 u.....
being faster, stronger and wiser does not automatically make you a winner in life Eccl.9.11
actually "time and chance happens to us all" David, the Man of War en Stature still acknowledged that "No king is saved by the great size and power of his army; a mighty man is not delivered by [his] much strength. A horse is devoid of value for victory; neither does he deliver any by his great power". Ps.33.16-17 But Vs.18-19 "the Lord's eye is upon those who fear Him [who revere and worship Him with awe], who wait for Him and hope in His mercy and loving-kindness, To deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine" Is this that not what we are looking for....Victory & "Strength", Class(read Superiority, Distinction, Ability en 'the Win')???

My friend, we all need a favour to tilt the balance.....and Our God desires us to get there, to make it and come thru. it is the Lord's desire to bring u thru en shame yo critics, defy the odds including yo own doubts en fears....just to prove that He is God en there is nothing too difficult for Him. Hallelujah!!! Ps.145.15 "The eyes of all look to You and You give them food at the Proper time, You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing" Promotion neither comes from the East nor the west but from the Father above!!

We do not always get it right and many time we stab ourselves in the back....yo know its true. But our God has promised deliverance, He will deliver us from the Snares en prepare a banquet for us in the presence of our enemies, He is the one who anoints our Heads with oil en causes our Cups to overflow!
He will do it for us; Confound our challenger, lift us a shoulder higher en replenishes our Reserves. He is the one who crowns our year with bounty, He sprinkles His glory on all our efforts en rewards or labour with good success. We see the results of our work,it shall not return void but in "good measure, pressed down, shaken together en running over"!! Good measure X Pressed together X Running over! that's an Amazing degree of returns on investment.

Trust Him to do that for you today, u may have struggled en struggled en given up but you know, the story isn't ended yet, there is still more. At the Table of Grace,the Cups never empty; the Plates are always full en its never too late! Our God still has something More for u, don't look to what's gone but realise that "Greater things are still to be done" en surely His hand can still satisfy you with good. Declare it en Believe it en u will see it!! Prov.12.14

ahimbisibwe Wycliff

it been a while..........

For sometime now all i have heard mostly is the rants of Christians who want to be more liberal, want to set the boundaries alittle further out there and also to make the boundaries alittle less visible... coz they hurt their eyes.

today however i have been reminded of the brewing pot of the devil. i heard today the sweet sounds of persecution, for the bible syas rejoice when you are persecuted for doing good. well ofcourse some of us may never have to face such things as persecutuion because... well we are one with the world.

lately i have heard the statement " let the hungry feed themselves" too much, if you are hurt go fish.... we wont be set back by your needs.. i mean we have our own lives to live( all that is parapharased): and this among Christians!!!! the Bible says it is the wicked man who says to a hungry and cold man " God bless you and keep you warm and does not give him food and clothing." yes it is our duty to help when it is in our means to do so. But do we?

Dont get me wrong i'm definately not perfect otherwise i would float through walls, and feed only on manna and dew, but it pains me nonetheless that people are so willing to let others die and that we have a justification for oue decadence. the compassion is gone from our hearts. we do not aim to strengthen the weak, no, we trample them and hope that they will get the picture and get stronger. we crush hopes with our sharp tongues even when we snigger and laugh at those we deem less than we are.
who are we? what have we devolved in to?

christians are consumed with sex and vulgarity it seems they are victims much more than the people in the devil's brewing pot. but wait what am i saying.... we are the new breed of the Devil's pot. malice is at its peak, we are insensitive, quick to speak and slow to listen, DID I MENTION IT IS GETTING HARDER TO FIND SO CALLED CHRISTIANS TALKING ABOUT GOD OR ANYTHING PERTAINING TO THE THINGS OF THE KINGDOM.

let me say this at the risk of being hated on... CHRISTANITY IS SERIOUS BUSINESS!!! we can't serve the King only when we feel like or when the occasion suits us. Every minute every hour we have to be devoted to our King. Jesus said, if you love me, you will obey my commands. he didnt say.. you may or you will do it when you feel like....
people we are servants and soldiers, yes we might be the friends of the King... but who on earth or in heaven would want a friend who only acts as a friend when his needs force him to. who wants a friend who is ashamed of them most of the time. Certainly not God. He will SPIT us out.

God is merciful, forgiving of short comings and strenghtening the weak. and yes many people will run to David and claim they are just as he, u know refering to the Bathsheba incident.(note that it was an incident). I beg you read thru 1 Sam - 1 Kings and measure your self against David. surely are you a man after the Heart of GOD???
some say its just a thorn in my flesh... Sweetheart has the Lord said that he will not remove it to keep you humbled??? then quit deceiving your self and Repent. besides, paul constantly fought his thorn not gave in to it!!!
let the excuses go this time and deal with your sin. Let God show you for real just how rotten you are. For the Christian today is not humbled.
Unlike Jesus who was indeed equal to God and counted it nothing to be graspedand humbled himself to become a man and obeyed God even to death... we are only friends of God but we think we have a right to step on his fingers after all we are family!!!!!!

people let us get serious. The devil is. And remember this is a war for your soul. who do you want to go home with God or the Devil? unfortunately to choice is yours.

There is this feeling i get some times when the tides of life toss about too much and my compass is dizzy and my heart starts to fear. its one of those things you dare not share with people who think a certain way especially those that are designed to aide u see how foolish you are. one of those feelings that a good book will ease and a little time with God can color into life. its just the feeling of inadequacy. whichever way you look at it. inadequacy in attractiveness or in intelligence or in status or whatever really. sometimes one of those things just stands out.....
i dont know why.... it just happens.
today was not one of those days. today i was thinking about the happy day tomoro might be...
going out with the girls........ am yet to decide where we shall meet....
seeing a certain some one i have been longing to see....

ahhhhhhh this life that we live can be so sweet sometimes....
tomoro here i come.

hmmmmmmmm

in our world of unprecedented squalor both morally and all around us, the phenomenon of love constantly amazes me. that though there is so much deception the real thing crops up every now and then to wow us and give us hope that perhaps we too wil find the cure for our pain and loneliness.

oh ya. it gives us such hope.

not so long ago a started to love some one.... for reasons of of different standards and standings as regards certain things, i knew it could not work if i wanted to be myself.
i was to settle and save face among men. i mean who wants to be called an old maiden! i dont want to be the scorn of every one in the vicinity esp because they will never tell it to you face to face. but they despise you, maybe just laugh at you or most commonly they refer to you every time they speak of a failures in life.

so yes. i let it go.

so now am here waiting for this other guy to notice that i dont bite. i had a crazy idea about starting to go out alot in a bid to find some one. but wont that just bring more issues ....
but i will be still. after all wer are no all fated to walk the same paths.

sigh sigh sigh

sitting here in a room so large the walls seem so far away
the air seems too clear
the light so un tampered with.
it is a life worth living.....
till a moment steals my peace and the walls seem miles away
and the air insufficient for my lungs which have, seemingly, enlarged. the air way appears narrower
forcing breathing to become a chore and the life force of the heart to waver.

its not inadequacy that plagues the soul but perhaps a form of over adequacy that renders others paralysed and makes you wonder if adequacy is adequate enough to effect that for which you were made.

the moon rises and the sun hides its face....
another day of walls gone by
rooms
house
world

but the boundaries are so far out and the air is too thin.....
so slowly i fear
i die.

Damn heart

I have no idea wat to thnk nw! Ths whole love nt love scene jus drives me nutts! Nicest thng is i dnt knw a soul to tell n nt be bitten!
Who made me ths way anyway! Am no pessimist but i thnk i have to admit ths have nt been going on okay for a while now, am alone in my head, in life. I dnt knw if i really have wat's in my hand! Dnt knw if the crops in my garden have died on my watch. So am jus quiet. Here in my office of sorts. Wondering, if indeed wat i hope for, has any hope at all!

Damn heart

I have no idea wat to thnk nw! Ths whole love nt love scene jus drives me nutts! Nicest thng is i dnt knw a soul to tell n nt be bitten!
Who made me ths way anyway! Am no pessimist but i thnk i have to admit ths have nt been going on okay for a while now, am alone in my head, in life. I dnt knw if i really have wat's in my hand! Dnt knw if the crops in my garden have died on my watch. So am jus quiet. Here in my office of sorts. Wondering, if indeed wat i hope for, has any hope at all!

Today

Today i watchd as a spontaneous abortion, knwn to many as a miscarriage took place. Ths female was shivering, moaning rolling. Tears run down her face as she sweated and twistd, then was the gush of fluid, then sme more moaning and grinding. Then sme more, then fluid, the the head of a micro baby cme forth! After it was out, the fluid cme again. Some more shaking, moaning, patient seemed to be in shock! Then the placenta, sme water, sme dilute blood. And the heaving stoppd, she was okay.
Moral: it cn b realy hard smetyms. U thnk surely ths is going to kill sth or me! And every1 cn testify that ya, ths is a goner. But after u have sufferd a little whyl, u'll b jus fine!

Little feet

The labour of the father is for the child and that of the child is for the father until the child has a child. I saw a little girl run to her daddy, excited to tell him about the neighbour's puppy that she thinks has supper powers! Daddy daddy. T should have seen it jump the hoop it even almost climbed the tree? Do you think it can fly. Children. Precious aren't they.

Becoming.....?

How is it that two conflicting realities can occur in the same space and yet not cancel each other! confused don't be! Ever heard of the say that "we become like what we love". you are thinking true dat. A person who thinks God is some stern judge who is waiting to punish our every weakness, u find generally, will be as critical as criticism itself thinking for some reason that he is in fact representing God!
However another say which i have found to be true says "we become what we hate". here again we find that a boy with an abusive father who hurts his mother and the boy will grow to hate this thing and purpose not to be anything like his father! But like a complete fool you find that he batters his wife just like his father did his mother. And so came the saying like father like son!

some one i interested in the discussion on this subject said the reason for the later was that the person in that instance did not hate what they hated enough! That if the son, for example, should have hated what his father was much more and then he would have found himself not in the same box!

However in my view, that is after i thought on these two seemingly conflicting patterns which are simultaneously true but fail to cancel each other out, was that the truth is that these theories in fact support each other! tis is not drawn form the weak theory that there is a thin line between love and hate!

i think that we in fact we ultimately become what we love. a father loving his father ends up just like his father. Yes you may claim to hate what your daddy did and all your daddy was all bout but deep down inside you love the man who to you for the most part spells hero and all those words we attach to our daddies. same applying to mommy.

so what we become is indeed what we love, what we hate in it and what we love.

writing

writing has seemed to be my forte up until now. i was asked to write for a magazine... of course this guy read my poetry and thought i could do prose just as well. i find that its hard for me to write about health without making it seem like a poem in essay form. so i've been battling with it for the past 2 days. and you can imagine he wants it by monday......

desire.. what do i....

i thought today about what i want and compared it to what i really want
i don't want what i want

lets say today
when i smiled at my lover and took in a long drag of his scent
allowed his being to excite mine
allowed this man to steal sense from my nerves and craze up my entire chemistry
i found that this......

i don't want even though i want it so

so what do i want?
the simple niceties of love?
the meaning of the purposes we invent for ourselves
the joys of the simple things we forget
to see what men rarely glance at twice and discover the glory of a cowering soul
hidden in the persona of an independent strong being whos eems to have no sweet tooth
no heart to ache
one who seems too strong to be so

living is simple

now i sit across from one who desires me
not in selfish ambition but truly, i dare say madly and deeply
and though i wouldn't say it aloud
i want
i want
i want

it all started.......

this all started as a place where i write my poetry.. now i want to write a less defined kind of thing.
so i thought today about a friend of mine who was hoping to begin dating some one he described as a lovely woman... hum some choice of words that is. because u see in the beginning God did say i created a woman not a chic or a girl... and so the perfection of a female is to be a woman
and then lovely humm... can i just say that this is a tender description that doesn't labor so much to explain but yet in steals for us a glance at the softness ansd sweetness of the sentiments he has for her
call me a romantic i think its cool that he called her that... not to mention how many times.

there goes another day and another beautiful female has run off with the heart of an unsuspecting man. and he is happy
to all the ladies out there who are the woman behind their man the strength he has found reliable. kudos.

love came softly on a bus........

it came softly

left.

you left..
warning.. no
sign... no
you just left, ended

why do i feel you
every where
looking inside my head as i plunge into the thinkings i have left of u
my mind set on thinking of nothing else but the glory you showed

why do i need you
why cant i find comfort in what is left
like a starved child i hunger for just one more year.. a day.. a minute something

why do i miss your stupidity!
like a disease you are all over me
aching in my bones, wringing my heart

in life no such power did you possess
but now u leave and possess my mind
how can i seem to love you more

now that you are dead!